Graduation

Today was my husband's graduation with his Masters of Science and Management from Colorado Technical University.  

It was such a special day. We have been waiting for this day for such a long time, and now that it is here, we couldn't be more thrilled.

If I ever went back to school (which is highly unlikely) I would major in Nutrition or something similar to it.  I know why most nutritionists you meet are so healthy looking, because they know all the ins and outs of food, and the food industry. They know and understand the good, the bad, and the undeniably ugly.  

See, if I knew what these people know, I think I wouldn't put half of the things in my mouth that I usually do. If I knew the chemicals and additives that are in the food we eat, I would eat much better than I do now.

I am not enrolled in school for my Masters degree, but I am in school.  The school of learning to be me again.  Learning to love myself again.  Learning to respect where I've been, where I am, and where I am going and want to be.  

Maybe by the time I get there, I will have learned enough to have earned a Masters, or even a Doctorate.  Who knows?

One of the things that comes to mind as the first course in my schooling is to love myself...for me.

I believe wholeheartedly that it is often difficult, if not impossible to love others, and to show love to others when you struggle to love yourself.  For me personally, this feeling hits close to home, and feels very selfish.  I have been so locked up and involved with myself for far too long, and I see how it has affected my relationships (or lack thereof) with others.  This has not been done intentionally, because I would never purposefully hurt someone else, especially those that I love. I understand that this first course of learning will be a eye opening one, and there are some skeletons in my closet that I will have to face.  

I am not excited about this, but it will be part of the ongoing process of bringing me back to myself, and who I want to be.  

I want to learn to love myself enough, to love the body I have, and to not abuse it anymore.  

It starts now. 

How Did I Get Here?

Hi.  I'm Lisa.

I am someone's daughter.  Someone's sister.  Someone's wife. Someone's mother. Someone's friend.

All of these things are parts of what make me, well, me.

I am me.  The me "now".

This is not the "me" that I want to continue to be.

I am starting a journey.  A return, if you will.  A return to the genuine me. The genuine me is not unhealthy, unhappy, or feeling lost in many ways.  The genuine me that I want to be is all of the things above, but a healthier, happier, more grounded me.  It is this desire, this drive, of which stems this blog's namesake.

In many ways I am genuine, or at least I hope to be.

I am going to do this, this weight loss thing.  I am going to try to keep myself accountable by keeping up with this blog.  I am gong to write about how I am feeling, the challenges I face, the victories both large and small etc.

I wonder how I let myself get here.  How I let myself get to this point: overweight, low self esteem, obsessed with my weight, compulsive eating etc.  It affects so many things in my life. I am ready to take control again, to be happy.

Let the fun begin.